I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
