Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The struggles of a small town man whore
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
and eventually we just all took our pants off
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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