i don't like sucking hair
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
True college students do jello shots in the library
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
