i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
