so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
