Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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