WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
