Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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