i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
