I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
