1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
