I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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