So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
