I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need a beard to bite.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
