You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
