Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
