areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
