So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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