My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
