and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
