So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
