watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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