so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
