Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
