Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
