You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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