Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
