I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I love you. Go after that dick
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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