it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
