I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
smell my finger.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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