Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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