hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
