i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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