So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
