there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
