i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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