Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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