Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
