i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
