ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
