can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
