I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
