you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
