i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
