the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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