We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
