whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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