I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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