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1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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