when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize