I want to have your abortion
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
