I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
