mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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