nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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