So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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