jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
