Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
