Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
zippers are such a cool invention
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
