Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize