well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
