Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
