oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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