im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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