You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
