That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
