The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
