i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
