guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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