:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
