I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
