I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
