HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
