the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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