It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
