i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
zippers are such a cool invention
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
