so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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