My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
