It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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