Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
